Posted in Essay, Rock, Uncategorized

Architect of my own rise

Something has been cooking and its now ready to be devoured. I am so excited to share the news with you guys that, finally, my first book has been released! It’s been a period full o reflection upon self and an unburdening of the inside eating thoughts that hang inside the brain of the one addressing you.

I strongly believe that maths and writing go hand in hand and I will share a sneak peak at what the road map of the book looks like.

I tried to express so much using so little words. I considered this a highly complex task. Just like Einstein concluded his general relativity, from hundreds of equations to just a few characters, I was inspired to write as few words as possible that express a universe of thoughts. Here is a preview of the most used words in my book, represented in a word cloud:


One of the most focused points that I’m bringing to the table is the awesome influence that ROCK music had on me. Starting from giving me a reason to live up until vibrating as the alternative fuel besides my blood. A part of the bands I’m most thankful to are:


The principal components of my book in terms of legacy words are:


The book is divided in 26 chapters, subsequently the age I as when I wrote it. It takes you in a roller coaster of a ride and I hope you have your safety belt on.

For more information of the book, feel free to access this Amazon link:

Architect of my own rise

I hope you will enjoy and find it helpful, if you embark on the ride. And whatever feedback you might have, you are more than welcomed to add your thoughts in the Amazon commenting section, here on the blog or via social media. I’ll eagerly await for them.

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Posted in Essay, Uncategorized

Music, the Festival of Soul


Last year, in the same period, I went to my first ever 4 days festival and I was hooked. Don’t ask me why I waited for a quarter of a century to do it!

This year, I’m back at the same venue. It’s called Airfield and it unfolds in Sibiu.

Besides a full array of events that took place last year, by far the most memorable was the kick in the inspiration that bestowed upon me. It was the start of an art project I had previously thought about. Speaking about art, this is one of the main reasons I’m back. Yes, art comes in many shapes and sizes, but as long as you are lucky enough to see and hear live performances, then I consider this a form of art. Of course nobody likes all the artists, however the diversity of the acts is what makes this festival unique.

I consider myself young but when I saw the sheer percentage of younglings around, I felt like a motherfucking grandpa. That’s until I observed some 60+ wise travellers. When the night settled, there were at least a 2 degree warmer environment fueled by the heart of the singers and the excitement of the crowd. Whenever jumps were involved in the middle of the song, shockwaves were sent that rocked the mountains nearby. The voice of the singers resonated within every soul. Everyone is living the moment, everybody is sharing the love. For a moment, we all are in harmony, no conflicting powers overcoming us. We are the people. Some young guns are shouting for artistas to come and sing so that they can go and study for their faculty exams. The atmosphere is electric. And a selfish guy like me, feeds of the flux of inspiration.

Not even the heat is stopping the march of music. It’s feeding the mind and rejuvenating the inner chi. Like in the words of the song “And nothing else matters”.

However, the main motivation of being here again is to spend quality time with the one that’s a plus in my life. Like Bon Jovi says “You want to make…a memory”. These memories are the things that last and are forever imprinted into your heart.

In a nutshell, this is what Airfield is about. For sure there are other flavors I didn’t experience yet, but there is still time. And I can’t wait to see what heat-stroke of enlightenment I will suffer again!

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Posted in Essay

Be The Lizard!

4 years ago, I got my first real job and 5 years ago I put a pin into the map of my career. I said HELL NO!; I’m going to pursue a path that will be the unfolding of my studies (statistics domain). I was sick and tired of being sick and tired about having part-time jobs or full-time ones in domains completely different and honest to say, damn low paid. 

So the job hunt began. I think I was at least 30 interviews before I got the opportunity of an internship. 30! Fucking 30! Along the way, I asked myself “Dude, WTF?“, “Are you that stupid or is this not for you?” After each failure, I was getting depressed and freaking out at the prospect that I will work washing cars, serving drinks, giving people fat and unhealthy food or doing whatever job in a excruciating heat. But where I was really failing, the one Achilles heel, was that I failed to go back and examine my faults. I only started after the 20th, I think. And then it struck me.

Had some interviews where I was asked, I know some of you surely know this question -“If you were to be an animal, what would you be? And I was saying all these types of strong animals like tiger, lion and such. But after this mini-revelation, I got the right animal for me –lizard-. Why? 

A lizard comes to life with the struggle to stay alive. A lot of predators are there to lure it out and make it a tasty dinner. Just like that, when the real life comes for us, that is when you are out in the world, on your own, just like that when you are meeting a lot of unknown faces and you don’t know who to trust, just like that, you strive to survive. You are fast like the reptile, you fail a lot but not as fatal as some of these creatures and you grow to become bigger, better, wiser. Just as they learn their environment around and sniff danger miles away, we continuously improve our skills and are more and more aware of people’s behavior, to such extent that most of the times, we are the most judgemental thing over there. 

We learn to blend into our jungle and hide between our personalities just as they are expert in the art of camouflage. We are vulnerable in the early life, but as soon as development is enhanced, we know how to avoid and crush danger, escape or delude our enemies. Whenever we are in fear or need to fight back, we got an arsenal of payback methods to inflict retribution. Just like they have venom. Not deadly but enough to cause a sting. Just like us. Cut a lizard’s tail and it will grow back. Make us fall, put us in the dragons den, and we will come back stronger. Hell, some of us will crawl in life just to survive, exfuckingactly like our reptile counterparts. Catch us in the cage and we will struggle just as they will do. And even if the odds are stacked against us, we won’t go down without a fight. Ruff skinned when needed, fighting our kind when the situation requires it, changing personalities or behaviors just like they change color to defend themselves. Ruthless in concurring the unknown.Cunning. Proud. Survivors. 

A lizard! That small, fast, kinda innocent creature. Yet we share so much in common with. No lion, no tiger, no elephant. NO! A Fucking Lizard! Take these thoughts, let them sink in and ask yourselves: “What animals are you?“.

Be The Lizard!

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Posted in Essay, Uncategorized

Bringing Down the Giant

My grandpa, God rest his soul, was my first hero. I identified myself so much in some, not all, of his ideologies. Most of all, he taught me to always build around 2 core traits: Integrity and Fairness.

My father, on the other hand, was always focused on getting the most out of everything, and by this I mean, crossing the edge of what is moral and fair. He used to be a car painter and I remember I had to, not by free will, help him around. If he could have saved some paint or other materials in order to sell them later and make some extra bucks, he would have done that. And there are more situations where the barriers of integrity were broken. I despised him. I would have wanted to beat the shit out of his brain. Whenever I snapped and challenged his morality, though, corrections were applied to me. But at least I knew that I was doing the right thing.

One day, I had only a big bill to pay for the bus ticket and the driver said he had no change, so he took me free. The next day, same driver, same bus, I went and told him to also take into consideration the ticket from the previous day. This happened when I was 10 years old. Now, 17 years later, I still picture in my mind, his glowing face and his appreciation for my fairness.

And there are numerous more examples. Whenever I received more change, because of bad calculations, I would have given back the extra money. However, sometimes I conducted my own experiments, in order to see how fair are others. I would add some plus just to check if my fellow humans were fair or not. Results? Mixed.

But it was always hard being fair in a society in which selfish human beings prevailed because they stole more than others could. And I’m not referring only to money but with all stealing in general. And not only to live by this code but also to influence others into having the same principle. Problem here is that there is this saying that “If you are fair with me I’ll be fair with you”, or with respect also. I don’t back this only with 50%. Because, you see, there are these situations where conflict arises. If you or me, are not fair, then we change the page and we break our moral code, just to get the edge. Because we are selfish, we step into the devil’s hole. We don’t have the guts to let the others “win”. Speaking from myself, I am always fair, no matter how you treat me. Trash me, step on, spit into my face, do whatever but I won’t burn my traits.

All of this got to a boiling point nowadays. I don’t know if you heard, but in my country, Romania, the government adopted a modification in the penal code that allows for corruption to grow and allow some members of the political party to escape prison or get rid of their criminal records. Long story short, they want to save their asses while in power. I feel that some members of the party don’t agree with this from a moral standpoint, some of them actually resigned, but the rest are like a herd of sheep. Keeping their mouths shut, although they don’t agree. I feel they are in the same oppression I was, back in the day. And they blindly follow the “leader” by means of loyalty. FUCK THAT! You motherfuckers are as guilty as the all the rest because you don’t have the balls to stand up for yourselves. Will you be expelled? YES! But you will have your integrity intact. Even if half of you resign, you will send a powerful message that the power is in the hand of the people. But no, you stay there, in your warm seats, because for 4 years, you think, you will steal as much as you can. FUCK YOU!

Is this the example you want to sent to your youngsters? Do you really want them to have a hard time in the future because you were their parents? Aren’t you afraid of all the people that are gathering in the streets nowadays? Even people that trusted you with their votes. How can you live with all of there burdens? Or have you no consciousness?

I have some form of social anxiety and that is why I don’t do great in large population of people. But when the time came, I also went into the streets, alongside 30k people, to rise against the plague.

I let you with a chant. See you in the streets.

“If you don’t jump, then you need no change!”

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Posted in Essay, Uncategorized

Adversity to Change

It`s being said that if you engage into a behavior for 20 consecutive days, then the brain will get used to it and assimilate it as a sort of automatism. But you have to stick to it. In comes a dilemma. While it is x times easier to incorporate anything related to health, food or more earthly matters, when it comes to changing minds, perspectives or even keeping up with the world, ⇓.

The longest battle I had to fight in my life, since, well, I remember – embracing the change. Working side by side with my father, we always got into arguments because he had a God complex of mister know it all, while I came with different approaches, to say, of solving the same problem. I`m not going to tap in other inherited behaviors from long ago or strictly doing things exactly how they are written in stone. The point is that, influenced by this conservatism, I had real struggles adapting when the moment came to leave the coziness of my home.

The “funny” thing is that I was advised about that the world out there is different and I would have to accommodate, ironically by the same people that were so rigid. So you admit, in the back of you mind, that if I adopt this attitude that you preached to me, I will have struggles but you still don`t offer me the hardware mechanism to solve this problem.

What I want to highlight is that I observed, at least in my country, a big gap between the youngsters and the experienced ones. While I think that they know they have themselves to adapt to all the things that are new and for the fast pace that the world is moving, they are still adverse to change. And this is a big word – Change -. Put it in any context and it will immediately be engraved in bold and then all that comes will weight a tone more. But it also decreases exponentially as people advance in age. A bit odd, because more experiences should result in an acknowledgement that at least being open to change it not a bad thing, right?

Unfortunately, of  the human evolution tree, somewhere, a homo-sapiens was “bright” enough to embed into our DNA that we have to succeed in life, that all of us should be billionaires and if we have even the smallest upset, the smallest drag into failure, then we are doomed. And we are pressured since we are very young that we got to have success. I am damn right pissed that I wasn’t told to fail more, because I think I would have gotten a lot if I would have followed that path. For me, it`s not a shame to have insuccess, because this is the best way to evolve as a human being. And I did learn this by working in statistics, where one of our motto is to fail faster in order to learn more. But being raised in this rigid environment, I didn’t have access to such techniques. And the first few times I failed, it felt damn wrecking.

This is a big reason why I think, others still put a big NO in front of change. But yet again, I this one thing  boggles me: recently we had parliamentary election and of course, controversy is impossible not to be present. 27 years since the communism era has been taken down, one thing that the “wise” ones still don’t want to see is that we are constantly lied to by promises that dumb asses can’t keep or are unable to fulfill. But still they fall prey to idiots. Because mass-media has never been more unreliable. What I don’t understand is how can someone vote for crooks and convicted felons. But the yet again we have a saying “you make even the devil as your friend until you cross the bridge”. And this is such a shallow saying because it somehow offers you an acceptance for your action. The hidden message is the curse of selling you soul to him and we easily overlook that.

It`s because of these such kind of mechanism that we are stuck in our evolution. Now, more then ever, we have the eyes to see how rapidly the world is changing, we have the mind to try to understand and adapt but we completely block this change. And why? Because we market it as a 180 degrees change and a fast one. If only we were thought to take it slow, step by step, I am sure than in at the the last 20 years, we would have gained a lot more and be smarter. And the gap between young and wise, drastically thickened. What do you think?

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Posted in Essay,, Uncategorized

Character starvation

“The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual” or “A written statement of someone’s good qualities” definitions provided by Google for an elusive term – character.

For me, at least, showing this trait is the absolute minimum requirement, a baseline. Am I asking too much? Yes. From a population of air breathers that have  a solely objective to backstab everything and everyone in their selfish quest of having success, of being someone, of filling those fat bellies with  gold essences, of overdosing with the devilish potion of luxury plus hate, of draining the last drops of thinking fuel left.

I see it every day, feel it every hour, get torn apart in every minute because I refuse to give up hope in humanity. However, I still get knocked down by fucking morons. Yes, I`m talking about you, all the fucktards, all you shapeshifters. When you smell an opportunity to rise to power, you have an adrenaline rush that propels you to reach such lengths as following your managers to the bathroom and literally licking their asses clean. For fuck sake, at least brush your teeth afterwards, there are reminiscences between your teeth and your mouth smells of bullshit. How does the Earth still keeps you alive?

No matter in which environment you land, there is a guaranteed chance you will stumble upon a nemesis like this. Getting friendly just to add another trophy to his/her wall, laughing with lies in your face while having the confidence lion, indirectly spitting in your mind to brainwash all human traits, crafting a carpet pavement of assumed ideas, letting the impression that he/she will jump in front of the train to save you while actually being the mastermind that shoves more coal on fire in order to crush you faster, giving the impression that they give a fuck. Disgraceful!

With a trained detection algorithm in place, you think that you can protect yourself from them but the reality is that  I’m getting changed by the anger inside. The cut is so deep that the corruption sucks almost all the life out of me,  getting me that one step closer to the edge … Tic-Tac… I’m one breakdown apart from total madness, one stroke away from blasting out.

One last shout for one last time, one last resuscitation of a trait that many have been deprived themselves of, one last teardrop to ignite the thirst for … character.

Why the fuck, craving for the highest pick while the character level is burning to 0 became so mainstream? How can we unfuck what it`s already fucked?  Why can’t we put an end to the starvation of qualities?

©Nicholas Sogard

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Posted in Essay

Millennial syndrome


Wake up, wash, breakfast. Fuck… It`s 2016 idiot! You are considered an old-timer if you start like that. Rewind … Wake up, open phone, let social media suck the life out of me … Fuck… it’s  1 pm already…


The invisible Antichrist needs souls to feed upon. And we are the first in line to fulfill his damn wish. Yes, we rate ourselves by the number of fucking likes we receive and we are ready to do anything to milk that one extra like that will get us to go viral. Selfie photo 5 seconds before death… crossed over while being excited to get that +1 thumb up… killing a father of 2 youngsters in a car accident because texting crush… comments fueled with hatred by the blood pumped out of a  poisoned heart (or what’s left of it)… sharing every nonsense shit about your life like somebody actually gives a rats ass… bolstering free personal info to strangers…  relying and trusting more into a robot miles away than in real friends… getting shepherd by any 100k plus followers wannabe… sustaining fucktards that show off abundance of  luxuries but complete lack of intelligence…

We cheer up when someone shows her ass or his muscles. Like never ever recorded in history, we follow false positives while outcasting true positives. We are calling ourselves perfectionists because we are in the constant hunt for the ultimate beauty standards, injecting shit ass substances in whatever body part for a lackluster of a few years… fish lips and duck face are the animal traits that we revived in order to regress as species…without thinking that, in the end, we will disintegrate from within.  We hail any modern day Eve… make martyrs out of any shred of remaining intellectual minds…

Ability to active listening to what everyone has to say is a scroll lost in a library that is now a mansion for a reality tv show. Our fucking mouths are barking in a chorus of chickens instead of letting each one state their opinion. It`s understandable. The decrease of gray matter in our brains limits memory to a length comparable to golden fishes; while being afraid not to forget, time eating phrases are spawn at an alarming rate.

Human interaction, communication… dafuq I’m talking about? These terms resemble almost nothing today. We go out with friends and almost instantly phones are on the table… we go on a “walk” using hoverboards… we run not because it`s healthy but because we can show the route we took, the miles we made, the photos we took while feasting out of the number of likes we get in return. We take a picture in a picture of a picture that`s made in a place we virtually inhabit… we are living the life of others… Never before were people so lonely.


Like Crusader champions, at the end of the day, we hear our virtual friends clapping for the x hours cashed into the ledger of Antichrist. A ghost jury gives the verdict: Goal Achieved. Eyes are closing but we stay a bit more. Finally… sleep. Tomorrow is another day to live, although we are completely dead inside.

Planet Earth can catch a breath and pull down its mask… the mask that protected it from the putrefied smell of decomposing neurons infected by media stem cells.

©Nicholas Sogard

(Source photo: In your mind)

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